WHY I DON’T BLOG SO MUCH?

The proper title would be why I don’t blog at all. I am a crappy blogger I know but I have good reasons guys. They are valid to me and that’s enough…yet, as I like you and value the time you are spending reading me I wanted to share with you the updates in my life. My mid twenties crisis and some adulting shit. So if you are a nosy bi*** welcome inside my head.

MID TWENTIES CRISIS

OKAAAAY we like shit like this, life drama, burn out, depression and all the good stuff. For the newbies joining us today in this article my name is Yasmine the greatest of all time but you can call me Yaya the queen. I turned 27 some time ago and though I am in a much better place and in some sort of peace with myself , let me tell you something: that shit they call the mid twenties crisis is REAL. 

I started my 24th year of existence on this planet in Italy. Milan, the capital city of fashion, coffee and lifestyle. I came here (because I am on a trip to Milan at the very moment I am typing this) in order to pursue a second master’s degree in Architecture- that alone is a sign of upcoming trouble– What seemed to be the best experience of my life was indeed the best experience of my life..BUT the most life changing and destructive. Okay I am being over dramatic here so I am just gonna blame it on my libra side but truth be told the years I’ve spent in Italy completely changed me. I underwent: burn out, depression, heartbreak, eating disorder, severe anxiety just to name a few. And it lasted until I reached my 27th birthday. 3 years of pure loss in all the possible ways. 

When you hit 25 ( a bit before or a bit after) you are expected to have figured out what you want in life. You are expected to have a degree, to get a job, to get a life purpose, to have a social and love life, to be in control of your newly started adult life because that’s the big change: YOU ARE AN ADULT NOW. honestly who is the idiot who decided that?? Anyway, back to some seriousness. Yeah I was saying you are an adult. Do you at least know what an adult means? Let’s look it up on google: a person who is fully grown or developed.

Fully grown. Not half or almost, FULLY. At 25 you must be FULLY grown, you must have completely and totally figured out everything in your life, answered all the questions, developed your identity, sense of self, your goals, materialized you dreams, healed your trauma, while at the same time getting out of school successfully securing a job, a partner and on your way to invest in real estate…I am genuinely laughing while typing this and realizing how material related things meant so much to me. 

Let me get something straight: I am 27 and I have none of what I mentioned above. Being ok with that was THE MAIN topic of my crisis. You can’t blame me if I didn’t get to post much on my blog, you bet it was not even the least of my concerns. 

LIFE PRIORITIES

After graduating I obviously had a breakdown. I mean COME ON you saw that one coming. I can blame it on all the side shit that was going on in my life at the time but to be honest I had no clue of what I wanted to do. I was drained physically and mentally. Architecture got the best of me and I had no will to fight. So I did what I felt was best for me : MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY. 

Astrology wise for my fellow astrology freaks I have my sun and moon in the 9th house in Libra. Trips and foreign lands revive me and feed my soul (along with drama, gossip and designer bags). I couldn’t stay in Milan anymore so I packed my stuff and went to Paris baby. 

I had priorities guys, I needed to get some coins and rely on myself financially, which was a big fail because damn france is expensive. I had a 9 to 5 job which rarely ended at 5. You really got to love architecture to survive it and my 26th year was all about that: Do I really want to carry on in this field? Along of course with other existential questions like what do I want in life, what kind of partner am I? Does love really exist after all? How to become a sugar baby etc… 

Diving into work life was an expected shock. I expected the non-paid extra hours, the lack of free time to do anything else besides grocery shopping, laundry and sleeping when not working and to be honest I needed some of that because it took my mind off all the existential questions. I went on auto pilot mode and mastered the life hack of faking everything is fine when nothing is.

In parallel to all of this keep in mind that I am a woman, an expat, a capricorn rising on my journey to heal from eating disorders, and trying to face society with all my trauma which means I get my periods, I have mood swings, my weight fluctuates I have expat paperwork, I need to fulfill tones of conditions not to be kicked out of Italy/France; I have to find RENT IN  PARIS (damn that’s a torture guys A TORTURE) got to survive Corona and all sorts of illnesses because the french administration lost my health ensurance file, and once more find another job…You get the point? I don’t have time to sit down and be creative about some topic to entertain you Okay! (sorry I am extra) 

LEARNING MY LESSON

Another reason why I didn’t post on my blog is because I learnt my lessons: I can’t control everything, I don’t have to be always productive, I don’t have to squeeze my brain if it’s not essential, and Mental health comes first. 

It sounds selfish I know but none of you was there when I was sobbing in my bed so you can’t judge me. Besides something I haven’t spoken about before, is the fact that I don’t get any remuneration from my blog or instagram. I have no material benefit whatsoever, I actually use my spare time to find topics, write about them, make podcasts, edit videos and audios, and transcribe them into articles (all of this is coming. I know the launch of my podcast is more awaited than the next Squid game season). The point is I do this out of passion and motivation and if I’m not motivated or drained by some of my other battles in life well I rather be sleeping than blogging. Do you get my point? 

FALLING IN LOVE

With myself! ( but of course if you have lover recommendations please don’t hesitate to communicate your offers by mail) 

One of the big challenges and flexes of being and living alone is falling in love with yourself. I am a great person, guys! Like seriously not joking! I hated myself so much for so many reasons that when I had to face my head, body and soul I realized I was actually amazing, I mean who would make such a funny blog post about such a serious topic!

I had so much to learn about myself and piece by piece the parts of me I discovered made my interests change and my focus shift. The content I used to post was no longer relevant to me (to a certain extent) and I needed to mark up the new facet of my identity to provide you guys with high quality posts. 

LACK OF TIME

I think this joins what I said earlier about working, having a social life (yay I got new friends now!) and prioritizing activities to strengthen my self-discovery journey. 

I don’t have time guys. I mean I do but…Okay let me rephrase this in a convenient way: I am an architect/urban designer, I face my computer at work at least 8 hours a days, I run meetings (cause your girl has a high position now ain’t joking about that boss bi**** thing) and try not to strangle the co contractors aka ego centric architects, so when I get home I don’t go even near my laptop let alone use it. You only owe this article to my 7 hour journey by train from Paris to Milan AND to my silliness because I forgot my headphones so instead of editing my podcast about astrology (coming soon stay tuned) I am telling you stories of my life. All these details are my attempt to explain to you why, whenever I get an ounce of free time, I rather spend on me than on the blog. Constraining myself to another type of commitment is unbearable for me at the moment, yet, as you can witness I’m making the effort the type this article and post it!

Voili voilouuu (No need to google it, it’s just a fancy way of saying voila!) I hope you enjoyed this blog post and got to know me a bit more through this entire mess that is my life and writing skills. I genuinely hope to read you in the comments and « see you » in my next (maybe) blog post!

Ps: Yeah important detail, I will be posting more articles in english on my blog because I just feel like it so welcome on board!